Doing our Jobs

In Mitch Ablom's Book Five People You Meet In Heaven, he talks about how children are like glass balls. We, as parents, must handle these balls with all the care possible. Some parents may smudge the glass a bit, but leave it translucent and intact. However other parents, are careless and irreparably damage the once beautiful glass until it is no longer recognizeable as what it once was. Of all of the things I have read in my life, this passage is one of the very most memorable to me.
Every person on this earth starts out the same; as little, tiny babies, innocent and new. Somewhere along the way of life, these babies grow and change. They become less innocent, less "cute," and less easy to forgive. They become REAL people.
I have been in the "children business" for the entirety of my adult life. Not only have I been raising my own, but I have been a part of hundreds of children's lives. I have seen the glass ball metaphor play out in so many ways. It is truly humbling that the behavior of adults has such an enormous impact not only behavior of children, but also who those children turn out to be. Humbling and scary.
Even Ablom attests to the fact that all of us have a certain amount of damage on our glass. It is impossible, regardless of how well intentioned a parent is, to be raised flawlessly and without being negatively impacted in some way. All of us have "our issues." As children, we all have experienced our own balls "being scuffed" a little. As parents, as painful as it is to admit, we all have at one time or another made a mistake (or intentionally did something) that left a mark on a child's glass. It is inevitable. We are human and it is impossible for anyone to grow up completely unscathed. But for most of us we see our mistakes as opportunities and warnings from God to turn things around. These are our children. It is our job to raise them to be the best people they can be, and to lift them up with love.
I have seen far too many times, that the desperate and overflowing outpouring of love one has for their children seems to dry up as that child leaves infancy. Mom starts speaking in a harsher tone, and always seems inconvienced. Dad is too busy and thinks his kid is uncool. The newness of the child has worn off and now they are stuck with this kid. I am not speaking of abuse or neglect. Really it is about simple and basic respect. God gave us these children. We need to show love and respect to our kids at all times. We do not get a pass if we have had a bad day or our child is getting on our nerves.
It always seems that the very people who need to worry about negatively affecting their children are the ones who either don't have a clue or a care. The result is often the very sad writing on the wall of a two or three year old child. It is so heartbreaking and tragic.
We are their parents, folks. We need to do the absolute best job we can with these kids. They are not just possessions we acquired when it was envouge to start procreating. Their lives now will have impacts on generations to come. We can not take this job lightly. These children need our unconditional love.
As I climb down from my soapbox I want reitterate that I am speaking of love. pure love. This is not about showering your child with expensive clothes and toys. We all need to spend some time inside the minds and hearts of our kids to find out what they really need. Most of the time the answer is simple. They just need us.

Happy New Year!!

After an wonderful Christmas break, (the best I can ever remember, actually)Tucker and I were looking forward to celebrating New Year's Eve with the kids in our traditional Hearn way.-- snacks and tv until the "moment of truth," then kisses for everyone and bed.
Last night, the mere thought of the kids being able to stay up until midnight gave them more than excitement than they could handle. Being able to eat snacks in the play room really pushed them into high gear!! While Tucker and I enjoyed 30 Rock reruns in the den, our 4 babies alternated between watching Teen Disney and playing in the playroom. At one point, my darling husband suggested we all play a board game together. Everyone readily agreed, but the game was short lived as every one's excitement and distraction got the better of them. (Secretly, I was a little overjoyed when the kids decided they'd rather go back and hang out in the playroom, and I got Tucker all to myself again!!) Poor, little Patch made it until about 10 before his baby timer was up. He wanted so much to stay up like the big kids, but he just couldn't make it and was just miserable trying. When I was carrying him back to his bed, he kept trying to demand that "Bubby" (aka Charlie) was a baby too, and thus needed to go to bed as well. Thankfully his new Spider Man sheets were on his bed, and he snuggled right in when he saw them.
As always, Tucker and I held each other as Dick Clark counted down to the New Year and kissed each other on the first moment of the New Year. We then went into the playroom and kissed the babies who remained awake, all of whom looked more than ready to go to bed themselves!!
Getting ready for bed, I was overwhelmed with all of the possibilities that await my family and I in the New Year. I can't begin to imagine what God has in store for us, but I know it is magnificent, as everything that He ever has a hand is! So, although I do not believe in New Year's Resolutions per se, (I think one should ALWAYS be willing to resolve to make their lives better no matter what time of year) I do pray that I am able to see the Lord in more of the details of my every day life and that I can share Him with others. I know that 2010, as every other year has been, is going to be a tremendous gift filled with unexpected blessings.

Our Diva

After Tucker and I made the "decision" to start a family so young, we were determined to give our child (just Emily at the time) as perfect and as normal a life as possible. We were determined to be the perfect family.
Tucker grew up with dogs. Lots of dogs. His parents were quintessential dog people, and he inherited that trait from them. Although I had a dog growing up, she died when I was young, and most of my "pet experience" was from cats. When Emily turned a year old, we decided it was time to find a furry friend to add to the family. We went over and over which kind of animal to get. In the end, we decided on a Chocolate Lab puppy because my mother's good friend had just bred her dog.
The Martins lived in a small town a little under an hour from our home. We packed Emily up, and away we drove to meet our new baby. They lived in a little ranch house on sprawling land. As we drove up, their German Shepherd came to greet us. Ms. Martin had set up an area in the yard surrounded by a large plastic baby gate. She went into her house and brought out two by two, little chocolate bundles of fur and placed them in the cordoned off area. She wanted us to be able to see all of the puppies and get a feel for which one belonged with us. I remember Tucker getting inside that little pen, and the puppies swarming all over him (with some even hanging onto his pant legs by their teeth!). In my mind I was thinking how different this would be from the cats I was used to, but seeing the look of joy in Tucker's eyes made me sure everything would be fine. The decision was ours to make. Which puppy would come home with us. They all were so similar yet different at the same time. The choice was so very overwhelming. Finally we decided on the pudgy, sleepy guy (or girl, as it was) in the back. She seemed a lot more laid back than her siblings, and she had kinda of a ho-hum Eeyore quality about her that appealed to us.
We named her Godiva, as in the high quality chocolate, but everyone who knew her called her Diva. (long i, not to be confused with Deeeva, as in spoiled pop princess)
It was hard getting used to raising a puppy those first few weeks, but it wasn't long before I felt as though we had had her forever. She was the consummate best friend to baby Emily, who had grown quite fond of riding her and resting her head on her during naps. Diva grew like a weed that first year but remained as gentle and as loving as the very first day.
She was a great pet and a great friend to my kids. I never had to worry about their safety when they were with her. She was so strong and so beautiful. Everyone who knew her, including my mother who is NOT a dog person, loved her and recognized how truly special she was.
We lost Godiva last week very unexpectedly almost eleven years after we got her. The vet said she seemed in perfect health, although given her "geriatric age" a heart attack was very likely. Our sweet Diva died in her daddy's arms on her way to the hospital. She died peacefully and with people who loved her; just as she lived.
Life is not the same without her, and everyone misses her terribly. It is hard to see other Labs and not feel a knot form in our chests.
I know how blessed we were to have her be part of our lives, and I know her legacy will live on in our children whom she taught to love animals.

Unknown Blessings (Mark's Shout Out)

Before the Thanksgiving break I led the chapel lesson for the entire preschool. I really don't know what, if anything the kids got out of my lesson, but as I was preparing it, something really struck me. We all need to be thankful to God for the obvious, such as the trees and the sun and our families, etc. Those are givens and most people readily acknowledge God's part in them. But what I learned is that there is so much more that we need to be thankful for, that we don't even know about yet, or perhaps never will. These unknowns in our lives, are huge blessings we are unaware of, but somehow God has orchestrated them that way as a means of taking care of us. For instance, there are amazing functions of our body that keep our health on track, even though we are blissfully unaware that they are even going on. The earth's rotation--what a blessing!! What if one day it stopped?! We should always thank God for the blessings in our lives that we don't see on a regular basis.
Tucker and I share a good friend named Mark. We all became acquainted years ago when I taught his children and became friends with his wife. Mark is the typical 30 something father of three. He plays with the kids out in the yard, is always doing some home improvement project and enjoys a good beer with friends from time to time. He is the kind of person who you feel like you have known for years the very first time you meet him. He's just an all around good guy.
Mark is one of those blessings that too many people are unaware of.
He is an Army Ranger. Since Tucker and I have known him, he has been deployed TEN TIMES to the Middle East! 10! He puts himself in unthinkable circumstances so that people who are completely unaware of his service, can have a better life. He has never made a big production of the fact that this is his "job," it just is the way that it is.
This is a man with three young children and a wife who is also his best friend, and he constantly steps up to the plate for all of us. It really is kinda amazing.
I know that the world is made of up all kinds of people. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and we all have things that we can offer to the world. What an enormous blessing it is, that there are people like Mark in our world who are willing to make their life's work protecting others! We are always reminded to "support our troops," but I really think it is important to remember that that is not an ambiguous notion. These "troops" are the men and women mowing their lawns on Sunday afternoons, and running behind their child's bike as they learn to ride. They are so normal yet so extraordinary.
Their are hundreds of thousands of these men and women in our country. They all have a life outside of the military. They all have people they love and places they would rather be when it is time to deploy. But they make the same decision to go and be an unknown blessing to millions of us at unknown risks to themselves. God has given these people the courage to put themselves behind their duty. We must remember to be thankful for each one of these unknown blessings.

Oh, Charlie...

Charlie has always been a relatively docile kid with the very occasional whiny spell. You can usually count on him to tell on himself if he does something naughty, because the wrongness of whatever he did really gets to him. Overall, he has really just been a dependable, all around good kid who stays out of trouble.
The other day, in an attempt to straighten the house, I told him to go cut off the balloons that had been tied to the knobs of his dresser for weeks. They had long since died and now were only strangulation hazards waiting to be discovered. I braced myself for some protesting on his part, because he loves balloons, but he was all to happy to oblige and off to the bedroom with the scissors he went.
The house remained a flurry of activity for the next hour or so. I was in the process of cookie decorating, the kids were all putting things away, and Tucker was doing laundry. We had ordered Chinese delivery earlier so that we would not have to stop our "productiveness" to cook a meal. The Chinese arrived and everyone excitedly sat down to the table to eat. There the six of us sat, passing around the different dishes and sauces and talking about our day. The Norman Rockwell family moment was ruined when Emily very innocently asked, "Did Charlie get a haircut?" Huh? Uh, no?
The entire table panned their eyes towards Charlie who is sitting in his chair with a butchered new do. "But my hair was in my eyes" he said. He instantly got upset because he knew he had been naughty, but we reassured him though it is never okay to cut anything but paper without permission, that we loved him and his hair would grow back. Eventually.
So it took us over an hour to realize what he had done which doesn't make me feel like the most together mother in the world. He continued to apologize all night until I told him I wanted to take his picture so I could exploit his mischievousness on facebook. My, how the mighty have fallen. Oh, Charlie!

The "Whipping" Boy

Patch. He is "whipped" as they say. The object of his love is a little girl, appropriately named Caroline. When he sees her everything makes sense inside that fuzzy, little head of his.
Caroline, who is called Sis by her friends and family, is the daughter of a good friend of mine. She is not your average run of the mill two year old. Since she was teenie-tiny, Sis has had a spunk about her. If she's not happy, you know. If she is bored, you know. If she thinks you look funny, you know. If she just wants to have nothing to do with you, you know. She is the most opinionated little tike I have ever met. Her mother says she's moody, I say she's hysterical. It is like talking to a 14 year old inside a two year old's body!
Patch loves Sis. He thinks she is THE greatest person in the world. He talks about her all of the time, and at school he seeks her out. He has such an overwhelming love for her. Problem is he gets on her nerves! She doesn't want him near her, but like a little puppy he keeps coming back. Her mother asked if Patch was her "boyfriend." Sis said no very vehemently, but acquiesced and said Patch was her "boy." As in "No need to lift a finger, my 'boy' will handle it." Patch could not be happier to fill that position in her life.
Every once in awhile, when no one is looking, Sis has fun with Patch. They will sing together or play together or just act like normal stinky two year olds together. For a moment everything is right with the world. Then Sissy decides Patch really is as annoying as she originally thought and goes back to snubbing him. The beauty of their relationship is that Patch doesn't care. He loves Sissy exactly the way that she is. (and probably BECAUSE of the way that she is!) He never gets his feelings hurt or becomes timid around her. He even has been known to say, "Sissy, you being ugly!" He will always be there for his friend because he just loves her that much, and he knows deep down she loves him, too!

My Sweet Tucker

I met Tucker another lifetime ago. Neither of us much resemble the people we were back then. If you could have searched the campus for two people who had the least amount in common, chances are you would have picked us. But, like some crazy magnetic force, we kept ending up together over and over again.
I was a party girl in those days. He was an overly serious 60 year old man trapped in a teenager's body. We both needed someone, and we were there for each other. I was convinced he was going to be my best friend for life but never anything more. He knew we would spend the rest of our lives together. I was in a serious accident the summer after we met, and from then on, I knew he was right. We belonged together. And from then on we have been; always together.
Tucker and I grew up together. We were mere babes when we married and neither one of us knew a thing. We had nothing, but we had each other. (and when there is nothing else, that is an awful lot)
I wish I can say the past 13 years have been one blessing after another, but that wouldn't be true. There has been a tremendous amount of heartache and regret. There were times when my words and actions devastated the man I love, and times when he acted like a stranger to me. Those moments were so very hard. Where do you go from there? As hard as those hurdles were they were so very necessary. One of the lessons of our Fireproof class was that the deeper one's marriage falls, the higher the possibility for it to be redeemed. I believe this is true with all of my heart. Had our struggles not been as fierce as they were, I'm sure our reward would never has been so wonderful.
Today I feel like Tucker has always been a part of me. We can flash each other a look and instantly know what the other is saying. There is a commonality we share between us, that could never be duplicated by anyone else. I spent the afternoon with him today, and I felt just like I did when I was 18 years old and holding his hand for the very first time. "Look at this wonderful guy I am with! Aren't I the luckiest girl in the world!" And he still makes me feel like that cute, little 18 year old!
God is not promising us easy marriages. He doesn't say that as long as you remain the same 2 people you were when you got married then all will be fine. You can not possibly grow without changing. The person you were the day you got married had not been subjected to the life experiences that came following your wedding day. People change. Those changes can be hard and so scary. You have to love your marriage and your God enough to love your spouse even when it feels impossible.
The many metamorphoses that Tucker and I have gone through in our marriage have not been easy in the least but with all my heart I thank the Lord that we went through them; that we loved God enough not to bail when it felt like the thing to do. I am so thankful for the husband I have, who I love more every moment of every day, all the while knowing that tough roads still await. I pray that God continues to bless us with His strength so that we can see each other through whatever comes our way.