Waking Up

We revere Sleeping Beauty for the fairy tale ending she embraces after her prince gives her the kiss that awakens her. There she slept, beautifully incoherent,  until one day, when the stars were aligned perfectly,and he came to kiss her tenderly as she awoke.  Her life begun at that moment, but her sole involvement in her own  rebirth was  to be beautiful enough to be kissed.

Silly princess.  Get it together, girl.

If only our awakenings could happen so seamlessly.

Life is not a fairy tale, it is a journey that cannot be taken while we sleep or be replaced by a kiss, however passionate.


In my darkest days; those moments when my eyes were first adjusting to the blaring light of the new day, I became fond of the song by Avicii entitled "Wake Me Up."

                So wake me up when it's all over
                When I'm wiser and I'm older
                All this time I was finding myself
                And I didn't know I was lost

I knew in my trampled heart that I was lost and had been for an eternity.  I knew that the only hope for myself and babies was to navigate through the torrential downpour- but I didn't want to.  I was not excited about that challenges I faced nor the new opportunities that awaited me.  In bed I would lay and dream that somehow I would awaken in the morning to a picture perfect and put together existence. The song is nothing more than a fairytale.

I am waking up.  It has been terrifying and exhilarating.

I have been reintroduced to my soul.  I have embraced and celebrated the beauty within my heart that I forgot existed, and I have critiqued and chided the ugliness that remains and must be rehabilitated.  I am stepping cautiously onto unfamiliar soil, acknowledging my missteps and finding shelter in new surroundings.

I could not go back to sleep now if I tried.

The path to wherever it is that I am headed is frought with hazards and uncertainty, but the hidden treasures nestled beneath the rocks are all  the reassurance I need to know that waking up and continuing on my journey, is absolutely the greatest gift that I can give myself.

Aurora, you were awaken by true love's kiss.

I have been awaken by truth.

You Don't Know You're Beautiful

I am sorry that you do not know.
You are beautiful.

No matter how shiny the wrapping or large the bow, when one receives a gift, they peel through the outer layer to see what is hidden inside. I evaluate the beauty of a person this very way. Truly.

I recently saw the lamentations of a friend discussing the unattainable goals of societal beauty.  There I sat, with a road map of stretch marks spanning my belly, and a mop of frizz coiffing my head, knowing I am far from the social standards of beauty but feeling peaceful and beautiful in myself.  I am not  just the untamed mane or scars of skin stretched too fast during pregnancy.  I am more than my uniquely Jewish nose, pink skin and crows feet. I am the gift inside the imperfect wrapping.  I am a lifetime of brokenness and dreams.  I am poetry and humor and song.  I am compassion and knowledge and love. I am beautiful, as I am.

Inside every physical body is housed the character of the person who inhabits it.  This character; this soul is where genuine beauty is found or lost. The ability one may possess to make another laugh with unbridled vigor is far more necessary to sustain attraction than is a set of perfectly straightened teeth.  Youthful good looks and symmetrical features matter not in a person who proves themselves habitually to be unkind, disloyal and quick to anger.

It is my hope for you, my friend, that you see the beauty that others see in you.  You are beautiful in your compassion for others, your impeccable comedic timing and the spirit in which you view the world.  Your heart for the shared world lights up the wrapping that you are contained within.

Be so very confident in your beauty.

Prayers for Marriage

I believe in the beauty of marriage. 
I believe that marriage done well, may possibly be the most beautiful blessing that one can ever have.  In my ever naive heart, the idea of finding a soul mate to share a lifetime of  joys and struggles with, seems precious and beautiful.  To have that one person who knows the authenticity of your heart, broken or wonderful, and loves you in spite of it is a comforting, glorious notion.  Despite the tragedy of my own marriage, I believe in marriage for others and believe it should be celebrated and prayed for incessantly.

Prior to the ending of my marriage, but when it became painfully obvious that our union was in trouble, I began to truly see the attack that marriage in general is under.  As heartbroken as I was that my marriage was decaying, it was almost more frightening to see the epidemic of failed marriages that exist.  It was during this time that I began to pray, not only for myself and my husband, but for marriages everywhere.  Families are crumbling daily, hearts are being broken and lives are shattering.  What is supposed to be celebrated and nurtured, is being thrown away and discarded as if we are all just transient strangers coming in out of each
others lives for mere moments.

My marriage did end tragically. I clung to it well after the time had come to let go, but I did so out of respect and belief in the institution.  I still believe in marriage despite my own painful outcome, perhaps more so now. I believe in it for my parents, my siblings, my friends and my children.  That beautiful gift can still exist in the right hands. Because I hold this belief, I still pray for the institution and the danger that seems all to prevalent to it.

Earlier this week, I saw an article on pledging to pray the rosary for marriage on April 28th.
Although, I no longer align myself with Catholicism, I was moved by what I thought was the sentiment; a day where people prayed for the hearts of the married so that they could strengthen their unions and commitments towards one another.  There I sat, behind my computer, misty-eyed and reflective, pledging to myself and my God, that I too, would join in and pray the rosary for marriage.

And then I opened the link.

And I immediately closed out.

This was not a benevolent call to arms to pray for the strength of committed hearts.  It was a rallying against those who wish to be able to call their same sex soul mates their spouses.  It was an organized "prayerful" display of bigotry.  I instantly was angry at myself for not immediately understanding the motive beyond this "pledge," as the topic of homosexual persecution and marriage is lighting up the Supreme Court this week.  My naive, hopeful heart once again betrayed me. Needless to say, I did not dust off my long since neglected rosary beads that night.

I am not a theologian, nor am I scholar of the social sciences.  I do not wish to engage in debate on the validity of same sex marriages in the legal arena. What I am, is a woman who has lived and  watched the devastating effects that take place on individuals and families when marriages are destroyed.  I am certain that our prayers need to be focused on preserving love and not preventing it; protecting hearts and not prejudging them. 

Pray for marriage. I do every day.

That Which is Unknown is Most Everything

... knowledge must continually be renewed by ceaseless effort, if it is not to be lost. It resembles a statue of marble which stands in the desert and is continually threatened with burial by the shifting sand. The hands of service must ever be at work, in order that the marble continue to lastingly shine in the sun. To these serving hands mine shall also belong. (Albert Einstein, On Education, 1950)


We live in a society in which the inhabitants are constantly grappling for position to prove their intellectual and moral prowess over one another. Through subtle intimidation or overt condescension, the race is constant to show superiority in knowledge and theory.  It has been mistakenly assumed that the loudest most frequent voice is the one that will be absorbed by the largest audience.  Perhaps this is the case.  I, however, contend that it is not.

Passion is beauty.  Sharing ideas breathes life into that which matters. It is the responsibility of us all, for the sake of our souls, our fellow man and the world as a whole, to nurture that which is innate within our minds and hearts.  Truth exists there.

Even greater still than regurgitating what we hold to be absolute, is the eagerness to search for and receive opposing discourse. It is through these often uncomfortable lessons that the evolutions of our minds take place. It is only when we are challenged that we can begin to grow. When we cease to grow, we cease to be.

Be hesitant in your judgements.  Always look for another way.  Explore the vastness of the possibilities that exist.  At the end of the great long day, you may find yourself in total agreement with your previous self, or you may discover a rebirth and evolution of the spirit.  Allow yourself the opportunity for transformation.

Don't Politicize Jesus

I follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. I believe that He was the greatest man that ever will live.  I know that through His grace and love hearts can be changed forever.
I do believe, however that I make a lousy "political Christian."

Since the beginning of time, nations have crippled each other in the name of  God; villages destroyed, women raped, babies murdered.  Somehow, in the eyes of radicals, all is justified, perhaps even required if done in the name of "Fill in Entity of your Choosing Here."  I would like to believe that the religious  radicals are the minorities in our non secular society, yet with the birth of the Religious Liberties bill, I have my doubts.

 I can acknowledge that I myself, have a deep, burning love for Christ, and at times my desire to want to share His Word with someone of conflicting mindset is overwhelming and frustrating. It is not because I am trying to prove my rightness over their wrongness, rather I truly believe that through my relationship with Jesus I have been given a peace and love that can transcend no other and as a lover of all humans, I desire that beautiful gift to be realized by as many people as possible.

This I know with no doubt: The love of God can not be imposed.  Do not try.  Share it, offer it, live it, explain it.  Never force it.  Jesus did not do it, and He is the teacher if you call yourself a Christian.  Be a light filled person. Let the light of Jesus shine from your being and saturate the earth.  Be the goodness.  It is my sincerest belief that hearts will be changed by kindness, compassion and grace.  A genuine relationship with Christ can not be born from brow beating and manipulation.  Jesus did not operate that way.

Matthew 5:9  “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Simple enough, folks.  If you love Christ, emulate His words and actions.  

If you find yourself in a quandary over the moral righteousness of your fellow man, know first and foremost, we as Christians are called to love one another.  If you feel your own uber Christian super status somehow entitles you to discriminate against those you see as morally corrupt, remember who it is Jesus, Himself would be hanging out with if he were to happen our way.  He does not call us to act as the judge in His absence.   

Love one another.  That means everyone.  Even if you do not like the way they live their lives, love.  Even if they do not want to know your God, love.  Love those that are hardest to love first.  Love them the most fiercely.  

The Religious Liberties Act is taking the teachings of Christ (or whatever deity deemed worthy enough to discriminate for) and telling believers that it is okay not to do exactly what we as Christians are being called to do. If an individual, or a business is more concerned about taking a stand against their fellow man than showing love and compassion, then the teachings of Jesus have been lost.  If one is so racked with tormenting anguish over the possibility that their forced dealings with a person with opposing views will only lead to the further decay of one's soul, then I would remind you, that trusting in God is paramount to a Christian life, as is prayer.  Discrimination, hatred, belittlement and marginalization are in direct contrast to all that Jesus spoke of.

 

Isabelle

Today is the one year anniversary of Isabelle's death.

I cannot quantify how much I love and miss her.  Ours was an odd relationship, but beautiful, and her passing has left me with a deficit.  I am so thankful that the time we shared was never wasted; every conversation mattered.  She was a philosopher at all times and I learned from her constantly.  Even when I disagreed with her, and I did often, I always felt further along in my own journey of truth than I was when we began.

Some people just have beautiful souls. Hers is one of the most beautiful. 
In her dying days; in her misery, she insisted on ministering to my children and I.  To her, healing came through love and discipleship. Until her final breath, she stayed on the path she felt God had called her to and although not always conducive to interpersonal relationships, she never made apologies for it.  Fiercely independent and strong willed, she was authentically Isabelle until the very end.

The course of my life has been altered in unfathomable ways by her presence in it.  I am so very thankful for her.

Shine On

The longer I live, the less I know, but that which I DO know, I know with certainty.

We are transcendent people.  Our relationships and experiences may be transient, but the effects of our presence can not be erased.  Every interaction we have with one another will write on the soul of all involved; often subtly, sometimes so profound that what once was, will never be again.  In knowing this truth, it is impossible to ignore the responsibility that comes in knowing the power we all possess; both in beauty and light and wretched agony.

Love yourself enough to recognize the tremendous impact you have on the world.  Love the world enough to be the light.