My Patchy

My baby is almost two.
After having 4 kids, I can finally say that I will never have another. After each prior child, I never felt certain whether or not it would be my last. But we know now, without a doubt, Patch is the last.
I love being a mom, and I have great kids. I remember how I found out I was pregnant with each one of them. I remember the circumstances in which Tucker and I came up with their names. I remember all of the details of each of my pregnancies as if they have just occurred. I can retell my labor and delivery stories over and over and over again. Although, I often didn't feel well, being pregnant and having my babies has been among the most fulfilling things I have ever done.
That book is closed. No more pregnancy tests stashed in the back of the bathroom closet. I can pack up the mountains of pregnancy and baby name books we have acquired in the 10 years it took us to create our family. I will never again have use for those itsy-bitsy onesies, that look so tiny until your baby is born and then are just swimming on him.
I was watching Patch today. He really is phasing out of babyhood. He wants so much to be big like his siblings, it seems he is intentionally speeding up the maturing process! He talks as if he is the authority, and I really need to remind myself that he is only a baby! But baby no more. My little guy is growing up. And as he grows up, so must I. I am no longer that "young mom" who is just starting her family. That phase of MY life is over. Did I subconsciously enjoy that phase so much that I kept it going by procreating? Geez, I hope not!!
Regardless of how old my baby is he will ALWAYS be my baby. (As all of my children will be) Though the realization of him growing up is bittersweet, I am equally as excited to see what is in store for him. His future is limitless, and I believe he has the personality that will seize every moment.
I just don't even know how to end this. Excited for the possibilities that await my littlest one, or melancholy over the end of an era? (gulp) I just really don't know. I think maybe it just doesn't have to end...

Ch-Ch-Ch Changes

This will go down in history as the summer we changed everything. Well, hopefully not everything, but we are doing a whole lot of home improvements. In addition to the kitchen remodel, we have hired a landscaping company to clear out and grade the backyard. It was a collection of massive over growth, and it will be so nice when there will be such room for the kids to run around!! To get the job done, the landscaper has brought in 2 giant, tractory-looking machines. I'm not sure what they are, but the kids sure were excited to see that they had been left behind after the workers called it a day. All 4 kids enjoyed hopping up inside for photo-ops. (Although, I'm quite sure that was not why they were left!!)

A Quick Brag

Yesterday Tucker was outside doing yard work while I ran errands. He decided it would be a good idea to encourage the kids to help and maybe earn a little extra money. The task at hand was to dig up Monkey Grass from the back yard, separate it, and plant it around our front natural area. Quite an arduous task, indeed. About 2 hours into the morning I receive a call on my cell phone from Elizabeth saying Daddy has cut his hand and it is bleeding very bad. So when I got home I cleaned and bandaged Tucker's wounded paw, and put him on yard work restriction. He had wanted to go back out and finish, but we both felt like his wound, which wasn't too pretty, would do much better to rest.
Here comes the brag...
Emily and Elizabeth spent the next 2 1/2 hours finishing the job. They weren't told to keep going after Daddy came in, they just did. Not only did they do the lion's share of the work, but they did a really good job. Everything was spaced beautifully and planted very well. When they were finished, they were beaming with pride. They were rewarded with dinner at the Olive Garden as well as being able to choose a new game from the used game store.
I say it ALL the time, and I know people are tired of hearing me say it, but my kids are awesome. They are really nice and thoughtful people. I am so thankful for them. Not just because they are my kids and "you have to say that about your kids," but because I am grateful for being able to know the people who they are becoming. It is because of them that I aspire to be a better person. There is a whole lot of hope for this world when you see such remarkable young people.

Falling in Love... All Over Again

I teach preschool. It wasn't what I had anticipated for my life but it is just the way things have worked out. I can't really imagine doing anything else. These kids become my kids, and I truly somehow, fall in love with each and every one.
I have a tough age group by preschool standards. The dreaded "Terrible Twos." There are days when I really do go home wanting to pull my hair out, but for the most part, my days are filled with little miracles. I have always felt that during the 2-3 year, kids change and develop so rapidly. I am able to witness these babies turning into "real people." I really count myself fortunate. It really is something to watch.
Every year I fall in love. Sometimes especially with a special one or few, and sometimes with the entire lot, but I always end the year feeling like there will never be kids I could love as much as those little ones who will now be leaving me. Every year it happens. I feel so torn as my little friends grow up and leave me for greener pastures, but so very proud of all that they have done in the past year.
This year has been a challenging one. I went from a relatively small group of "older twos" last year, to a large group of late birthdays. It was really an adjustment. But the triumphs were there, and the miracles were there, and so was the love.
I started back to teach summer school today. The majority of my class from this past year will be with me as well as some new friends. One child who I have had all year long, came back after just one week away a completely different person. Suddenly she grew up. It was truly a blessing to have been able to see that. They are only little for such a very short time, I am so grateful to be a small part of their lives. Truly.
I have such a heavy heart when I think of these kids who I have bonded with for a year, being under someone else's watchful eye in the fall. In many ways, they feel like MY kids, and I don't want to let them go. But I know that I am just a brief stop in their long journey, and I am so excited for them to continue on.
So, in a couple months, a new school year will usher in a whole new class. And inevitably I will start the year homesick for those who have moved on. But so it goes. And in the end, I'm sure I will do as I always do, and fall in love all over again.