Desperate Housewife

I'm a desperate housewife. I hate to admit it, but it's true. And if more women would admit it, I bet they would say the same for themselves.
I have a good life. 4 beautiful and healthy kids. A loving husband. A roof over my head. Enough money to meet our needs. Great friends.
Yet, I am desperate.
I think the conflict comes from the fact that deep within me, in the part of me that seems so hidden at times, I am still the teenager from so many years ago. Anyone who knew me in those days would be frightened to realize that I still identified with that person IN ANY WAY.
I never got in any real trouble, but my life was a whirlwind of constant drama. I was incredibly emotional. My highs were as high as the heavens and my depths were as low as the pits of hell. I dreamed so large and my behaviors so often were crazy and without thought.
I used to sing. I lived to sing. I would have aching in my heart to be heard. I was never a very good "technical" singer and it stood in my way from really going anywhere. But when I was put with the right creative soul, who would let me just go, it was awesome. I can still remember the intoxication of the applause. (How narcissistic) All of my fantasies would include me on stage somewhere wowing a crowd. It has been over seven years since I have sang publically. I rarely even sing in the shower anymore.
I used to honestly feel that if I walked the straight and narrow, then I would be selling out; that to be me, I had to go where my emotions led me- safe or not. Those years were often so destructive.
Every now and then, I catch a glimpse of the Line from years past. Sometimes it will be after hearing a certain song, and I can feel her tugging to get out. Sometimes its during a ferocious thunderstorm, and the solace is so overwhelming that I am reminded how I used to allow myself to literally get lost in them. But more often than not these days, she is buried so deep inside me that I forget she ever existed. I am Mommy now. I am Ms. Hearn. There are responsibilities. The luxury of being able to wrap up completely in the world, just is obsolete.
I really do love my place in the world. I love being a mother and a wife and a teacher. It's nice to have security and stability.
But still, sometimes, deep within the most hidden recesses of my soul I can feel her. And as desperate as she is to come out and let loose, I am reminded that I am a housewife now, and in my soul she will remain.