Tinkle...uhh, no thanks...I'm good...

I have never fancied myself a "dog person." I grew up with cats and I really relate to their laid back lifestyles. Tucker on the other hand always had a houseful of dogs running around. People are generally one or the other; cat people or dog people- so I thought.
Before Godiva died, I was convinced that when she and Arthur went to the great Puppy Heaven in the Sky, I would NEVER have dogs again. I loved them but they were high-strung, high-energy smelly creatures. I was looking forward to the peaceful relaxing life of kitty calmness.
When Godiva died so suddenly everything in my heart changed. It wasn't any longer about the chaos, it was about the loss of a friend- for my children, for Arthur AND for me. Suddenly, I went into overdrive to protect the dog we had left. Arthur got brushed every night, began wearing cute sweaters, and was constantly in my lap. His depression over the loss of Godiva was so obvious and disheartening. He no longer wanted to play or eat. Arthur was dying before my eyes. He could not go on without his best friend. My heart was breaking.
I began to question whether Arthur needed a new friend to help ease his pain. Tucker, who is the consummate dog lover, assured me Arthur would be fine, and in time he would recover from the shock of Diva's loss. Time went on and his depression only seemed to intensify, until one day my father in law brought his brand new puppy over for a visit. Arthur perked up and immediately began to "mother" the new baby. I'm sure at that time Tucker knew he had lost the new dog battle with me, but I continued to play the "let's wait and see game."
I began researching on-line various pet rescues in the area. I looked quite extensively at the local Humane Society's page. I knew I wanted another small dog for Arthur, but the only one I really saw was a funny looking white scruffy thing with dark black circles for eyes. Her name was "Tinkle." Not a good omen for house breaking. I emailed the office of the Humane Society asking to be on the look out for a compatible friend for Arthur and decided to back off. The next day I got a call from a woman at the office saying she had quite possibly a very good match for my boy; a little white poodle named...wait for it, wait for it...TINKLE!! Oye vey!
Despite my misgivings over "Tinkle" I decided to bring in Arthur for a visit to see if Tinkle, or hopefully another dog would be a good match for him.
Arthur was so nervous. By now he had gotten quite skinny and feeble looking. The barks of the other dogs scared him so I ended up holding him. We were put in a room where we could spend some quiet time with "Tinkle." That crazy dog, who was probably part poodle but a whole lot of who knows what, was shaved almost completely bare, had a hairless curly rat tail, and kept peeing on the floor in front of us. The lady at the shelter explained that when she was found, her hair was so badly matted and overgrown that they had to shave her all the way down. She assured me that in time Tinkle would be beautiful. "Ummmm, yah, ok...whatever. Let's look at some other dogs."
So we walked around and saw some beautiful animals. I was shocked that THESE were shelter animals. They were the kind of animals people pay top dollar for. But I kept having a nagging pull back to that ratty little Tinkle. Damn you, conscience! I watched as she watched out her little window at us. Scratching the glass as if to say, "hey, where are you going? What about me?" uggh. Catholic guilt. It doesn't matter that I left the church, I kept the guilt.
We filled out the paperwork to adopt Tinkle. Consequently, I was told her name had only been Tinkle for the week and half since she had been in the shelter so I was free to change it if I would like. Well, that was certainly something.
I paid an enormous adoption fee, which eventually caused me to be overdrawn. *The first time in my adult life I have bounced a check and it was for TINKLE!!* What the hell!
Fast forward two months. "Lida Rose" (I always wanted a daughter by that name) is so amazing. She and Arthur have healed each other's heartaches. She has brought a wonderful energy into our lives. Her transition has been seamless. And yes, she has grown hair on her naked little rat tail, and no, she does not "tinkle" in the house.
So I guess I am a dog person after all, but I am also a cat person. I am so blessed to have these furry angels in my life. I really believe God or perhaps Godiva, (possibly both) had a hand/paw in placing Lida in our lives. Really, all bets were against her yet here she is. It sure is crazy how little control we have in our own lives!

Snowy Blessings

I am such a homebody. I could be perfectly happy to stay in my cozy, little world for the rest of my days without ever venturing beyond the outer limits. But with the entirety of my family being outside of my immediate area, travel is necessary from time to time. Because the school system is so graciously furloughing my husbands work days, we had a block of days off in mid-February that we used to travel to North Carolina to see my family. (Well, really my nieces, but the rest of the family too!)
Imagine our surprised when we were blessed with a beautiful snow fall!! Not only did the kids get to enjoy rarely seen snow, but they were able to do so in the company of their cousins!! The 6 kids looked out the window Friday night as the snow fell, anxiously waiting for their time in the white stuff. When the morning finally came around my sister, Beth, had to scrounge around the house for enough boots, mittens and the like for all of the children. (as well as her ill-prepared sister!!)
Together the six kids made snow angels, and ran around in a flurry of activity. In quieter moments they all sampled the deliciousness of the cold treat.
Snow for a child, in any circumstance, is such a blessing and whirlwind of excitement, but for "the cousins" it was made doubly so, because they were able to enjoy it together. It really went along way to remove the sting of traveling for me!

Identity Crisis

Apparently Jenny is having a bit of an identity crisis and thinks she's a chicken. I'm just sayin'...

Forgive us our trespasses...

I have "issues." My mother in law always used to smirk when I used the term "issues", but it is such an encapsulating word. Issues. And no doubt, issues would not be issues if you could easily resolve them, tie them up in a pretty box and admire them on a shelf.
Although, I often fall short, I try earnestly to be just and good. I try to offer people the benefit of the doubt and be open minded. I believe in God and I believe that we all need to come as close to showering others with the kind of love He unconditionally shows us. Not always easy, but certainly a necessary practice.
There is a person in my life who I have struggled with since the inception of our relationship. For a long time it was a mutually volatile relationship, although I have found myself in recent years, being more able to control myself in the presence of the hostility that surrounds us. I desire nothing more than a close and loving relationship with this person, but for so many reasons it has not been achieved.
I spend so much time analyzing my role and how I can make things better. I go over and over in my heart and mind to find a solution. I have tried every approach, yet at the end of the day, I feel like I will never be worthy in the eyes of this dear person. I vacillate between extreme anger and sadness until I force myself to take a break from the entire situation. It truly is exhausting to feel so utterly unworthy in the eyes of another.
Last Sunday, during morning worship, I was reciting the Lord's prayer as I have done nearly every day of my life. Suddenly, I felt as though a lighting bolt hit my spine. "Forgive us OUR trespasses, as WE forgive those who trespass against US."
What I was asking from the Lord was to forgive me all of my wrongdoings as I, myself have done for others. But, is it a truly forgiving heart that constantly questions why the heart of another is falling short? If I am to forgive, I believe I first must accept this person as they are. Is that not what we are asking of Christ every time we recite the Lord's prayer? Imperfect we are, but loved just the very same.

Human condition will not allow me to walk through the remainder of my years unhurt by the words and actions of other people, but my prayer is that God's grace will allow it not to be my focus.