Forgive us our trespasses...

I have "issues." My mother in law always used to smirk when I used the term "issues", but it is such an encapsulating word. Issues. And no doubt, issues would not be issues if you could easily resolve them, tie them up in a pretty box and admire them on a shelf.
Although, I often fall short, I try earnestly to be just and good. I try to offer people the benefit of the doubt and be open minded. I believe in God and I believe that we all need to come as close to showering others with the kind of love He unconditionally shows us. Not always easy, but certainly a necessary practice.
There is a person in my life who I have struggled with since the inception of our relationship. For a long time it was a mutually volatile relationship, although I have found myself in recent years, being more able to control myself in the presence of the hostility that surrounds us. I desire nothing more than a close and loving relationship with this person, but for so many reasons it has not been achieved.
I spend so much time analyzing my role and how I can make things better. I go over and over in my heart and mind to find a solution. I have tried every approach, yet at the end of the day, I feel like I will never be worthy in the eyes of this dear person. I vacillate between extreme anger and sadness until I force myself to take a break from the entire situation. It truly is exhausting to feel so utterly unworthy in the eyes of another.
Last Sunday, during morning worship, I was reciting the Lord's prayer as I have done nearly every day of my life. Suddenly, I felt as though a lighting bolt hit my spine. "Forgive us OUR trespasses, as WE forgive those who trespass against US."
What I was asking from the Lord was to forgive me all of my wrongdoings as I, myself have done for others. But, is it a truly forgiving heart that constantly questions why the heart of another is falling short? If I am to forgive, I believe I first must accept this person as they are. Is that not what we are asking of Christ every time we recite the Lord's prayer? Imperfect we are, but loved just the very same.

Human condition will not allow me to walk through the remainder of my years unhurt by the words and actions of other people, but my prayer is that God's grace will allow it not to be my focus.