At 33 years old, I do not feel like I have figured out what I want to do when I grow up. I have been teaching early childhood classes at one place or another since college, but that was a pure accident and never want I intended to do with my life. I enjoy my job most days, but I do not believe it is where I belong for the long haul.
Then there is my new found talent in the cookie business. Again, I stumbled into it, and although it is fun, I don't think I could ever support myself let alone a family baking.
Over the years I have had thoughts of becoming a nurse, but the thought of going back to school terrifies me. Tucker and I used to dream of opening a small cafe specializing in fine foods, but you know, there is the lack of start up capital not to mention fear of losing financial stability. So on I dream and wonder and think...What am I going to do when I grow up?
I know I shouldn't let fear prevent me from going after something, but I really am not even sure what I WANT to do with my life. The goal of my lifetime has been achieved in the birth of my children, but there will come a time when they will fill up fewer hours in my day, and it will be up to me to decide where to go next.
These thoughts bother me a great deal. The uncertainty makes me feel unsettled and anxious. At times, I push them far to the back of my mind and decide that maybe I just won't be a grown-up.
I guess this is where I need to let God take control. He has taken care of me thus far, so there is no reason to believe I'll be let down. It is a hard thing to do to just ride the waves of life to see where they will take you, but I know under his orchestration, experiences and opportunities that I could have never dreamed up will come to me.
Right now I still have a baby at home. I intend to give him the same access to me that the others had. When the time comes for me to find a new path I'll just have to keep my eyes on the light that God is shining down pointing me in the right direction.
No comments:
Post a Comment