Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

An Open Letter to My Sisters in Blue

I do not believe in coincidence.  I believe in purpose and the poetry that is life.

A little over two years ago, ladies, I was introduced to you- as a patient.  I was facing what I was certain was going to be the most life defining moment I would ever encounter. As a patient, I was checked in by Toni, had my vitals taken by Sheryl, was consulted by Dr. Scarborough and Swan, sat in Jenny's office as she referred me to plastics and signed consents and went over pre-op with Kathy.  I did what hundreds of our patients do every single week.  But I was not any patient.  I was me.  I was scared and you showed me compassion and understanding.  You coordinated my care with respect and love not because of who I was, but because of who YOU were; because that IS who you are.

Before my incisions had had time to heal, my world imploded and much deeper wounds were created.  Suddenly, I was a single mother of 4 children with the responsibility of having to support myself and them with no job experience other than years as a preschool teacher.  I was broken emotionally, I was weak physically and I had not a thing to offer you, but you you embraced me anyway.  Because that is who YOU are.

Swan, you immediately recognized me as the patient who fell asleep in the exam room with my husband as we waited for you and Chuck to come into us.  You recounted how badly you had felt for making us wait, but it had been a busy afternoon with many positive cases.  I couldn't help but be at awe that you recalled with such detail an appointment that had happened months before; details that I had completely forgotten, until you reminded me.

Rachel, you were given the very unenviable task of training me.  For what seemed like months, (I'm sure it was only a week or so) you patiently walked me through step by step every little nuance of the office.  You shared with me the office dynamics and gave me heads up on the unspoken rules.  I marveled at the grace you showed me and the strength that emanated from you as a mommy who had dealt with the pain of a seriously ill child.

Toni and Blanca, you tag teamed me with tough love, and I needed it.  "Stay in your box."  I will forever have the image of that sticky note stuck to the side of my computer in my mind.  Indeed, important advice when working in the medical community, just as relevant in the rest of my life.  I have used the metaphor time and again since that day.


Allison and Za, you were the sounding boards for the matters of my heart as I wound through the divorce process, struggled with raising my babies and began to date.  My street cred was amped by Za as she gave me vocabulary lessons (I still have not recovered) and was offered the "Cone of Safety" by Allison.  The words "no judgement" were uttered perhaps more than any other...well, and SABOTAGE.

Kathy and Roberta, I have required unending mothering over the past two years and you both have filled that role. As a 38 year old woman, I still crave a mother's hug and unfortunately need a mother's reprimand from time to time.  It was with you that I felt most able to let the tears flow on the days I could no longer be strong, and with you I was reinforced and encouraged.  Thank you.

Suzi, Lisa, Brandy, Sheryl, Kacie, Haley and April Showers,
I love you all.  I love the laughs, the swirls in the chairs, the singing and dancing and the multiple blind date attempts that had me considering going into hiding. I love that you would chase me with post it notes and try and  offer me free medical advice, solicited or otherwise.  I love that every one of you have deep, personal experience with my bionic boobs and  you never tired of examining, talking about them or advising me on how to handle those suckers- or maybe you did.   Thanks for not letting on.  The three of us appreciate your support greatly.

And of course the Vaginas, to include the entire Gyn/Onc team,  First and for most, thank you for letting me refer to you as the Vaginas.  I know it's unprofessional.  I'm well aware.  I can not help it.  You are my people.  I came to the office as a 36 year old,  post menopausal,  Brca 2 + woman who was living each day watching my beloved aunt die of ovarian cancer.  You were my life line.  You answered my persistent questions and invited me into your fold.  You allowed me to participate in the work you do to raise awareness for Gyno cancers and allowed me to feel like I was honoring my aunts in doing so.  Through you, I became more educated and passionate.  Tara, you sought me out specifically when you knew I was concerned about a patient.  That meant the world to me.  Tricia, knee deep in charges, you danced with me in the front office.  Nixie, thank you for always being concerned and interested. Renee and Jen, You both are angels in my eyes.  For me and for countless other women and their families you have demystified cancer.  What you two have is not something that could ever be taught in nursing or med school.  I felt it as your friend and coworker, but your patients feel it every second of the day.  Many of the ladies you see are in the fight of their lives, but because of you, they are blessed beyond measure.  You are their light.


Yes, you are my Yellow Brick Road friends, as Dottie says.  You have been  people I have met along the way to help me on my journey back Home.  I could not be more thankful for your beautiful spirits and the love and laughs we have shared.  Thank you all.  Until the next time, please dance in my absence.

Caroline

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