What I did not know as the "Queen of the Suburban Castle on the Hill," was that despite the color coordinated bath mats and the simmering potpourri on the stove top, I was still surrounded by heat, dirt, bugs and critters with bad intentions. As the rose colored glass began to crack, slowly at first, and then with the rapid pulverizing crush of infinity's weight, the ideal of my imagined sanctuary began to disintegrate. Perhaps not surprisingly, it was not so long after that I discovered the beauty awaiting on the other side of the door.
When that door was opened for me, (very much so, against my wishes, mind you) I found myself at the foot of the most enormous mountain I ever could imagine. What I was being told to climb would be impossible for anyone, let alone a channel surfing, pleasantly plump air conditioner goddess. Interestingly, it seems, I would really have no choice but to take part in the hike. There really was no opting out, because if there were, I would most assuredly have chosen that route.
As I began the steep assent, I realized I would not be on the journey alone. I became a sponge to what others were teaching me. I quickly learned that the people and experiences that are placed in our lives are not accidental. There are no coincidences. Listen to everything, especially when you doubt a lesson can be gleaned. It is during these times when the largest rewards are reaped.
Slowly, I began to get dirty. I learned how to camp. I learned how to go to sleep listening to the wind brushing against the branches of the trees and wake up to the sound of squirrels playing hide and seek as the birds welcomed the new day. I learned that one could go from taping daily episodes of the Young & the Restless to being content with watching the way a fire dances around burning logs; that it is not destruction, but rather beauty and new creation.
I learned that if you go to a waterfall when you are feeling broken-hearted and worthless, she will speak to you as if she were your momma if you quiet your soul enough to listen. She will tell you that you are traveling the path you are meant to travel, that there are countless ways to get to the final destination, and although some have a straighter shot than others, we are all water and as water, we will all flow freely.
As I continued my way up the mountain, one night I found myself more exhausted than I could remember being since this journey had begun. Weary and sore from the hike, I lowered myself to the ground and began to cry in my hands. I was alone, but I was embarrassed and ashamed that I was having such a lapse of the strength that was not only expected of me, but had become required.
Internally, as I began to chastise my weakness, the shadow from the enormous tree that I sat a few feet from enveloped me. The cast was so strong that I immediately felt my skin begin to cool and I took notice of the tree's massive presence. The tree had an enormous trunk with thick, rough bark. The branches were massive in their own right and spanned what seemed like miles in every direction. There was no rhyme or reason to the way this tree's branches grew but it was evident that they had continued to grow beautifully and randomly despite the extreme temperatures and storms that the tree had lived through. Lastly, I took note of the tree's roots. The roots were giant and spidery, extending far from the base. Without these roots, the tree would have toppled over long ago. In that moment I learned what I believe to be the greatest lesson in my climb thus far. We cannot always control the way that our branches twist and turn, but if we remain rooted in what it is that is truly important, then we will be beautiful and we WILL be STRONG.
Throughout my climb, I have been fortunate enough to be able to share a portion of my journey with different trail guides. Through their music, art and beautiful conversation I have seen my steps hasten upward as my heart has been strengthened by their soul's wisdom. With every interaction, I have retained a spiritual souvenir from that guide to assist in my onward assent. I will forever be changed by the moments another took to share with me who they are. I am better because of our time together.
I have been climbing this mountain for awhile now, and I am tired. As I rest to catch my breath and see how far I have come, I must admit, I am impressed with my progress. After all, it was an un-climable mountain! Yet, the distance that lie ahead is as further than what can be imagined.
Step by step.
Rock by rock.
Song by song.
Flow by flow.
I will get there.
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