We walk by faith

If we listen, God is constantly talking to us. I never really understood that before. I used to be convinced that God speaks to us seldom so we needed to be sure to not miss it. Thankfully, though, that is not case. His guidance is persistent and perfect.

I am on the precipice of some major life changes. Being plagued by my "humanness" as my friend Steve says, has done nothing but complicate things for me. I get so caught up in the need to control and time these changes in accordance to my own time frame. My non-God mind, sometimes forgets that mine is not the perfect plan. It is during these times when my Lord whispers in my ear the message to slow down and trust in Him.

I am so thankful for His comforting guidance and the assurance that although I am flawed by my humanness, He is not, and he does not grow weary in His love for me.

Traffic Jam Ponderings

I was on my way to work this morning and got stopped behind a car with a lone bumper sticker. The sticker read: God doesn't believe in atheists.Because I knew this would linger in my mind, I strained to see the verse that was apparently referenced. Romans 1:20. Hmm...
Although I was raised in a church-going family, it has been fairly recent since I have come to know the fundamentals behind Christianity. The love of Christ in my life is overwhelming, and when I question everything else, the one constant is knowing that Christ loves us more than can be imagined.
"God doesn't believe in atheists." This is what I know: 1)Atheists are people who do not believe in the existence of God. 2)God wants us to glorify His name and spread the Good News. 3) We are ALL God's children.
In my heart, I felt at odds with the sticker. An atheist's lack of faith in God does not equal God's lack of love in an atheist...does it???
So I immediately looked up the Bible verse on my Blackberry to see what basis the sticker claims to make such a biting statement. This is what I found:

New Living Translation (©2007)
For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.

Okay.

All people have evidence of God right in front of them. The problem, in my mind, is that we live in a society where waking up to blue skies and remarkable anatomies is not enough. People feel that the presence of sadness negates the possibility of God; that a "miracle" is needed for proof. I understand these feelings. I had them for a long time. But the miracles happen everyday- ALL DAY LONG. The Bible says this is proof enough that God exists, therefore it is impossible for one to accurately say "they don't know God." And if we know God, we must glorify His name.

So, let's go back to that darn sticker that started this all. "God doesn't believe in atheists." I find this fundamental flaw. God believes in ALL of his children- bad or good. He loves us and we were created in His image. Just as a mother worries about her wayward child and prays for a safe resolution in his life, so does God for us. Christ asked His Father in heaven to forgive the very non-believers who crucified Him. He loves us despite our failings.

I pray for the atheists, not because I think that God is not in their lives, but because THEY DON'T KNOW IT! But I know, just as a mother would never turn her back on her child, our Savior will forever love all of His children.


I am obviously no learned theologian, and I can not even claim to know for sure the "accepted" explanation for such a claim as the one the sticker makes, but this makes as much sense to me as breathing air.

A Little Drop Of Rain

I was recently talking to a single friend of mine who claimed his life was so different from my cushy, suburban lifestyle, that I would be "terrified" to live in his shoes. This all stemming from a conversation on responsibility and growing up. I believe I was somehow meant to feel inadequate to handle his "edgy" life. Oh, my.
Terrified. Yep, I have been there on more than one occasion, but honestly, "a little drop of rain can hardly hurt me now."
These are lyrics from a favorite song of mine. It would be hard to find many words as true. You get to a certain point in your life, through certain circumstances, where your soul has literally grown armor to withstand tragedy. I have had my fair share.
I do not wish to in any way downplay the experiences anyone else has been through, by claiming mine were more tragic. I believe we all get our fair share. But my life challenges belong to me, and have made me who I am.
This friend announced in this conversation that he is an atheist. Hmmm.... for so many reasons I did not know how to respond to this. It seems often times this is the card rebellious teenagers pull when they are hoping for shock value. My theory is that he is in the same place in his life for whatever reason. So, supposing he is an atheist, yep, I would be terrified to be in his life. Without the love and guidance from our Lord, being completely susceptible to evil...yep, I wouldn't want to be there. On the other hand, suppose he was just blowing smoke about the whole atheist thing to make some point. Again, I would be terrified. Last time I checked it is not a smart move to denounce God for any reason. I am not sure he is terrified enough, but unfortunately he is still in that "if it feels good- do it stage." Ahh, we were all young once right?
A little drop of rain can hardly hurt me now. It took me so long to get to this point, and on some days, I still run screaming from those little drops. But I know one thing for certain. God is with us. At all times. Whether we want Him there or not. He knows our troubles and He knows the outcomes. He promises us an everlasting life in His kingdom. Our earthly troubles are so inconsequential compared to the Glory of God our Father. This is why I know that I can handle whatever it is that is in my path. This is why I will not become "terrified" in the way that this friend expects. This is where the armor has come from.
I hope my friend is able to enlighten himself enough to realize that he will not lose his "edginess" by committing his life to God. Perhaps, he might find that all of the things in his life that are missing, might suddenly be found. He too, can learn to walk in the rain.

God has a Plan

I admit the fact that I'm a facebook junkie. It's sad, but true. I love looking at every one's pictures and videos and reading their updates day after day. I'm sure some people would call that simple-minded, but for me I consider it a lesson in psychology. You can learn so much about people, and the world in general by reading these daily statuses.
Today I was struck by an interesting similarity in two of theses such statuses. In one, a woman who had recently lost her job was talking about tough times ahead. She talked about her nervousness with the uncertainty but how she felt confident because she knew "God had a plan." The other was a mother up at my preschool who is carrying her third child and was recently diagnosed with preterm labor. Suddenly her pregnancy is routine no more, but she described a peace in knowing that "God had a plan." Within 3 hours, these two women, both facing incredibly difficult obstacles, spoke of the confidence they have in God to see them through.
We learn at a young age that "our God is so big, so strong and so mighty; there's nothing our God can not do..." We have all heard it. Most of us have sung it. We know it in our heads, but how many of us feel it in our hearts? Truly. To be able to take such a scary, mind-weighing battle and put it in the hands of our Lord is not easy. With the way our world is so control-driven these days, it is near impossible to sit back and give it to God. I have found in my own life, that only when a crisis seems absolutely insurmountable am I able to let go. The "Footprints in the Sand" prayer comes to mind. How many times do we all feel too tired to carry on; that we just need God to carry us through the next part of our journey?
I guess if there would be any revelation to me today it is this: First, these two women will have a much larger capacity to better handle their challenges, knowing that they are not in charge and, two, we don't have to wait for crisis to lean on God for help. If you are frustrated with your spouse, you can give it to God. If you are anxious about a storm, you can give it to God. The market has you down? God can help!
There is no magic wand. I know that. But there is grace and there is peace. To me, knowing that I am never alone (no matter how small the problem or how scary the situation) makes everything so much bearable. There is a way out of every trial we face, and that is the way of the Lord.

Fate vs. Faith

My husband is really fond of saying, "Life can only ever have happened the way it happened."

We got married at 20 and 21 years of age. Young and stupid. We were from different areas, had different interests, and neither of us truly had a clue about what life was about. We became trusted friends, became pregnant and then married. Not exactly the preferable sequence of events, but again, we were really too young to realize how scary a situation we had found ourselves in.
We had our first child, Emily, and neither of us had graduated college. Tucker worked days as a technical writer and nights finishing his triple degrees. Emily and I had fun. As I watched her grow, she forced me to do the same.
Without knowing it, Tucker and I were growing up together; making the same mistakes that all 20 somethings make, but doing it married with a child. It must have been fate. Or was it?
When I became pregnant with our second child, I was given a 50% chance of miscarriage due to complications. I was put on bed rest and lived in fear that I would sneeze and lose my baby. Elizabeth was very sick as an infant and required almost constant holding, but my baby had made it! It must have been fate!
And the years went on. We grew together and grew apart at least a million times. We decided to move to Georgia about 5 years into our marriage for a "change of pace." We handled our move much as we had handled the rest of our lives. With eyes shut, jumping head first! Tucker got a great job, I got settled with the girls, and we began a new chapter. It must have been fate.
Our first son was born in 2004. He was the first child I breastfed any longer than 2 weeks. I spent many hours holding, feeding and gazing down at my newborn son. During our marathon feedings, I could tell he could not see me. Charlie was completely blind. When he was 8 weeks old he was diagnosed with Delayed Visual Maturation, a condition in which the baby's vision did not develop as it was suppose to in utero, but would continue to improve outside the womb. After almost twice monthly trips to the doctor, when he was 6 months old his vision test was normal. It must have been fate.
I have at least a thousand of theses stories. Stories where Tucker and I think about how our lives would be different if...What if he never came to college in North Carolina, What if we hadn't gotten pregnant so young, What if we didn't somehow make our meager earnings work... What if, what if, what if?

Life can ONLY ever happen the way it happened.

It's fate.

Or, is it faith?

Before I was born, God knew I would meet Tucker. He knew we would get pregnant and be married too young. He knew the struggles we would have with each other and the struggles we would have with our children. He knew everything.
This is not to say, it was fate that made these things happen. I made my choices through free will, as everyone does. But there is only one way life can happen, and that is the way that it happens. God has a watchful eye over everything we do, and He makes sure we have the tools to handle the outcomes. No matter what mistakes we make in our lives, we are never left alone to sort them out ourselves.
I have faith that my life is in the hands of God. I have faith that when I completely run things a muck, my Lord will be there to help bail me out as He has done countless times before. I have faith that God holds all of the answers to all of the questions, and all I have to do is seek Him, and I will know the answers, too.
There is no fate. There is only faith. Faith in God to see us through.

Weathering the Storm

What a morning! Our dear sweet Grandma/Mother/all around amazing person, Elaine, gave us tickets to her Exchange Club's annual Pancake Jamboree. This was to be an exceptionally fun treat because Elizabeth had a friend spend the night, so we would have 5 kids with us instead of our regular 4!! We go every year, and every year cars are lined up for blocks up and down the street around the Fraternal Order of Police building where it is held. As we loaded all 5 children in the car, we noticed the sky looked a bit threatening, though it had not begun to rain. As soon as we backed out of the driveway, the rain begun coming down. By the time we were half way there, it was starting to come down steadily. I told Tucker that I'm sure the rain will have scared many people away, and we would be able to find parking right up front near the building. Well, I was wrong. We turned the corner to see cars lined up and down the road as usual. I, in my infinite wisdom, found a spot between two trucks on the side of the road and chided Tucker to parallel park in between. (By this time, the rain was teaming) My ever-obedient hubby, unfortunately listened. Before he could straighten the wheels of the van full of children, we were stuck in inches of mud! I was convinced for some reason, that I would be able to "unstick" us. So, I got out, in the pouring rain, to go to the driver's side. My adorable, little red and white ballet flats instantly sunk in 3 inches of mud! Oops! At this point the kids were already complaining about the smell of "burning rubber" and being scared of the now loud claps of thunder and lightning. My poor husband--that is just what he gets for following my brilliant idea! At this point I began to panic just a bit. (As did Tucker, if he would ever really admit it!)
But then, the Holy Spirit came into our hearts and instantly calmed us. It was then I remembered, God was in control of this situation, not me, not Tucker. God would find a way. He always does.
I left Tucker in the car, with the 5 kids, and I ran down to the building to find Elaine. She immediately gave me her coat, (I was now completely soaked) and had her Exchange Club buddies on the case to help us. One man went to get his truck to pull Tucker out, one man was directing traffic away from our stuck van, and a sweet woman, traversed up the road with me to bring extra umbrellas and help me get the kids inside. Once inside, Elaine took the kids and made sure they had their food and drinks (all while holding Patchy) and the nice umbrella lady was drying their hair off with towels. Soon Tucker had become unstuck, and his breakfast and coffee was brought right to him. We sat down and laughed at how crazy all of this was. As Elaine was feeding Patch his mound of pancakes, another Exchange Club member, came to her and told her that there was a tornado watch! We just hunkered down a little longer until we could safely get the kids in the car and home.
What an adventure!
Tucker, as if he had read my mind, commented about how we would have handled the whole situation so differently not that long ago. Instead of trusting in the Lord to see us through, we would have stressed out, and yelled at each other, and probably ended up scaring the kids. It's amazing to me, that when you open your heart just a little to God's light, how He shines so very brightly and guides you. It is such a comfort to know that I am not in charge.