Wonders Never Cease

Charlie is the pickiest eater I have ever met. He hasn't always been that way, but he got the memo from the other kids when he was about three and a half, that he was suppose to give us a hard time at dinner and he has been impossible to feed since then. His favorite meal is "naked spaghetti." Yep that's right. No cheese, butter, sauce-nothing. Plain noodles. Such is the way all of his meals tend to be. Colorless, flavorless and nutrition less. I am an avid cook and the thought of him passing up some top notch dinners in favor of plain noodles really gets me.
Since the kitchen remodel is close at hand, I have been trying to use up all of the groceries in the refrigerator so nothing has to be thrown away. I came across a carton of tofu I had been meaning to stir-fry. I am the only one I know who really loves the stuff. As I opened the carton, Charlie was instantly intrigued by the cheese-like substance. He asked for a piece of uncooked tofu to try. (even a bit adventurous for the likes of me) He smiled and asked for another. Very odd. I gave him a few more pieces and told him I was going to cook the rest with carrots and broccoli in Terriyaki sauce. While I was stirring the wok, he kept picking chunks of tofu out!! This from a child who won't even eat macaroni and cheese. I finally gave him a plate stacked with tofu and he ate it all.
Just when you think you know a kid, they go on and do something like this. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined Charlie's love of tofu!!

Graduating

It was an important month in the life of two little Hearns. Charlie graduated from preschool and Emily graduated from elementary school. Both of them will be going to brand new schools next year.
I really am so blessed that the schools my kids have gone to have been so great. Wynnton Preschool is such a loving and friendly enviorment. It is the ultimate "safe place" for parents to leave their little ones those first years. Not only is it such a warm place, but the kids really do learn so much there. I guess my love for the preschool is what drew ME there. I tell my kids all the time that I'm never going to graduate from preschool.
Britt David is the best kept secret in this town. (although, in recent years the secret has begun getting out) We enrolled Emily there kinda on a whim. Tucker's cousin worked there and it seemed like a good school. We didn't do the due diligence many parents do when looking into kindergartens. Boy, were we lucky. It has that same nurturing and comforting feel that Wynnton has. We have never had a teacher we haven't absolutely loved. The administration is amazing and knows every ones names. It is a tough school, and the kids who go there have to work very hard, but they get used to it and it becomes just who they are. Emily was so fond of Britt David she cried the whole last week of school. Fortunately for her, we will have a kid there until she is about 20, so she should have plenty of opportunities to go back for visits!!
It both cases these schools have really prepared the kids for the next step in their lives. My kids love school and love learning and I can't help but believe it comes from such great school experiences. I can't imagine what it would have been like to have not have had such positive beginnings. I hear all the time about how people hate the schools their kids go to, and I just shudder. We really are so lucky.
But, off they go. Emily to middle school and Charlie to kindergarten. I can not believe how fast the time goes. I am so proud of babies. (and they will ALWAYS be my babies)

Staying Put

We bought our current home four years ago. It was the third house we had bought as a married couple, and we were determined for it to be our last. No one likes to move, but I am convinced no one detests it quite as much as my dear husband. I tease him that if he had his way we would still be living in the 950 square foot apartment where we lived at the start of our marriage.
We bought this house out of necessity. Our previous house, though adorable, was small, and the kids (3 of them at the time) seemed to be requiring more space. Tucker was especially hesitant to leave our prior house, because we had bought it from his grandfather who had lived there for over 40 years. So, I played the part of the mean, 'ol wife forcing him to move under duress.
We found this home in the north part of Columbus. It was huge by our standards. (about 3500 square feet) Enough bedrooms, bathrooms, a large playroom- it was hard to pass up. But since, nothing is seamless for us Hearns, there was a catch. The inside hadn't been updated since the 1970s. At all. It was hard to look past the mountains of work that would lay ahead, especially for Tucker who would be doing the lion's share. It really became a tug-of-war. In the end, he relented, although quite unhappily at first, and we bought the house.
The first two years were busy. We scraped wallpaper and painted. We replaced almost the entire house's flooring. A light fixture here, a kitchen appliance there, but slowly and surely the diamond was emerging from the rough.
I intend to stay in this house for the rest of my life, God willing. I can see growing old here with Tucker, and sitting on the front porch rocking in our chairs and shaking sticks at the neighborhood hooligans. It is that kind of house; the kind of house no one would want to leave. It is truly a home.
Early next week we are having the kitchen ripped out and completely replaced. We always said that we were going to do this one day, but I don't think either of us really believed we would. Even as we begun the process of talking with the contractor, I was sure that somehow we would weasel our way out. I am going to love my new kitchen. I designed it exactly the way I wanted. I am thrilled to pieces that we were able to do this. Although the perks of a brand-spankin' new kitchen excites me, I am even more excited for what this upgrade really means for our lives. It means we are steadfast. We are here to stay and to start spreading our roots. Hopefully it means that the moves are over and we have found our home base. The time, effort and financial commitment would never have been spent on a home we were just passing through. We are here to stay. Just as we take care of our children to make sure they grow up to be strong and healthy adults, so must we take care of our home so that it will always be able to fulfill our needs. This prospect is so comforting to me. I am settled. I am where I will stay.

Growing Branches

I grew up knowing that my Aunt Dale and Uncle Charlie were not "real" family. They were my parents' best friends, and thus became family by default. They loved us, as my parents loved their children and the fact that we didn't share a blood line was very inconsequential. I always wondered if I would ever have a friendship so deep, that the family tree would grow extra branches to accommodate it.
I met Janet the summer I was pregnant with Emily. I had just been married and was working at a facility for disabled children. I was assigned to be a 1:1 teacher to a severe and profound disabled boy named Russell. My duties were to adapt the regular program activities in a way that was meaningful to him. There was only one other child in our small group who was in a wheelchair. He was much higher functioning than Russell, but had cerebral palsy and was deaf. Although he could operate his wheelchair himself, he required a sign language interpreter at all times. Janet was hired to interpret for Chris two days a week.
It was a friendship that happened out of sheer necessity. The other employees in our small group were a couple of dim-witted, flirty college-kids. They knew everything about nothing, so it seemed, and tended to pay more attention to each other than the children we were charged to take care of. Janet and I quickly developed a camaraderie and it instantly seemed like we had known each other forever. With wheelchairs in tow, we always brought up the rear, talking about her upcoming wedding, or my impending childbirth, or music or college or whatever. We never had a moment of silence between the two of us. It was just so comfortable and easy.
When our stint at the center was done we had a dinner or two together before she was married in September and moved to Texas. We exchanged all the pertinent information to stay in touch and that was it. She was just a girl I knew for 2 days a week for 7 weeks. It was nice knowing her, but that was that.
I sent her an announcement when Emily was born and she sent me a gift. It was nice to have had a little contact, but mostly it was just a Christmas card here or there.
It was within a year or two that Janet and Jimmy moved back to Charlotte. They called us and we had them over for dinner. It was so nice to have reconnected. Slowly that connection got stronger and stronger. In 2001 Janet and I had babies "together." She always has said I got pregnant with Elizabeth so that her little Sarah would have a friend. It was soon after the birth of the girls that we began taking family trips together. I had Janet, Tucker and Jimmy were becoming great friends, and now our girls had each other.
It was somewhere along the way, and I'm not exactly sure where, that they became Aunt Janet and Uncle Jimmy. It is certainly not what I had ever expected when we were wheeling our little friends around the center that summer.
My kids have never known life without them and hopefully never will. Our tree, had indeed grown that special branch reserved for "chosen" members of the family.
We now live six hours apart. Somehow, though, the distance has only enhanced our relationship. We know that when we are together it is because both sides really wanted it to happen. When Tucker's mother died, none of my family made it down. Our dear friends made what amounted to a 12 hour trip so that they could be with us for 2 hours. During that week of sadness and heartache, nothing touched Tucker or I more than that act of love.
I am so very thankful to have these people in my life. We have seen each other through many a bumpy road, but have had our share of laughs along the way. There is an unspoken knowledge, among all of us, that we ARE family. Not the kind of family that grows out of years of lineage and DNA and genetics, but a family that is born out of the simple knowledge that we are loved.

God has a Plan

I admit the fact that I'm a facebook junkie. It's sad, but true. I love looking at every one's pictures and videos and reading their updates day after day. I'm sure some people would call that simple-minded, but for me I consider it a lesson in psychology. You can learn so much about people, and the world in general by reading these daily statuses.
Today I was struck by an interesting similarity in two of theses such statuses. In one, a woman who had recently lost her job was talking about tough times ahead. She talked about her nervousness with the uncertainty but how she felt confident because she knew "God had a plan." The other was a mother up at my preschool who is carrying her third child and was recently diagnosed with preterm labor. Suddenly her pregnancy is routine no more, but she described a peace in knowing that "God had a plan." Within 3 hours, these two women, both facing incredibly difficult obstacles, spoke of the confidence they have in God to see them through.
We learn at a young age that "our God is so big, so strong and so mighty; there's nothing our God can not do..." We have all heard it. Most of us have sung it. We know it in our heads, but how many of us feel it in our hearts? Truly. To be able to take such a scary, mind-weighing battle and put it in the hands of our Lord is not easy. With the way our world is so control-driven these days, it is near impossible to sit back and give it to God. I have found in my own life, that only when a crisis seems absolutely insurmountable am I able to let go. The "Footprints in the Sand" prayer comes to mind. How many times do we all feel too tired to carry on; that we just need God to carry us through the next part of our journey?
I guess if there would be any revelation to me today it is this: First, these two women will have a much larger capacity to better handle their challenges, knowing that they are not in charge and, two, we don't have to wait for crisis to lean on God for help. If you are frustrated with your spouse, you can give it to God. If you are anxious about a storm, you can give it to God. The market has you down? God can help!
There is no magic wand. I know that. But there is grace and there is peace. To me, knowing that I am never alone (no matter how small the problem or how scary the situation) makes everything so much bearable. There is a way out of every trial we face, and that is the way of the Lord.

12 Years and Counting

Today Tucker and I celebrate 12 years of marriage. I can't believe it has already been 12 years, and I can't believe it has only been 12 years.
When I was growing up I dated a lot. I'm sure to the outside world it seemed like I needed the attention of a boy to make me happy, but I think I really just craved companionship. Who doesn't? For the most part, the boys I dated in high school and college were really nice people who I have remained friends with. I was lucky. I had really good experiences as a young girl dipping her feet in the dating pool. I guess with that in mind, marrying at 20 doesn't seem so far-fetched!
I met Tucker when I was 18. I had just started going to the Abbey and had just broken up with a boy I had dated the prior year. Tucker was like no one I had ever met. He seemed like an old soul. I always got the feeling that he had a secret about the world that no one else knew. This attracted me and frightened me at the same time.
We had tried our hand at dating early on. It didn't work. I was still very much in that crazy, "Let's have fun" mindset. He was so very reserved. I dated other people from time to time, but he was always there in the background. Constant. He just was always there, waiting for me to need him. Need him I did. Time and time and time again. No matter where I had been or what I had gotten myself into, he was there.
After my first year in college I was in a devastating car accident. Everyone survived, but the ordeal was so traumatic. As I lay in the hospital alone and scared, all I could think of was Tucker, my friend. I needed him. When I was finally flown home, I called him immediately. Within days, he had left his home in Georgia and drove to me in North Carolina to be by my side.
As we sat and talked I fell in love, a love that I had never felt for anyone before. It was a calm love, a peaceful love, a safe love. I was hesitant to share this realization with him, but eventually I did. Over the next few months our friendship turned into a romance, and we were engaged less than 4 months later. People ask how long we dated before we got engaged, and we always tell them we never really did. We just went from friendship to marriage in one fell swoop.
So when I say I married my best friend, I really mean it. Before anything, there was friendship and throughout all of the trials of 12 years of marriage, there has always been friendship.
So I guess I am still that same girl who wants companionship. The only difference now is that I have it. I am now and will forever be linked with the man who knows me better than I know myself, and loves me anyway.

Where Does the Time Go?

"Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives." (Cue the music)
I just got done talking to my friend Tom. His little girl and Charlie have been together in preschool since the beginning of time. I have watched his tiny, little girl, grow up into a feisty, vivacious, and opinionated little person. He has watched my little guy as he has broken each arm, and still somehow managed to survive. We are a close-knit family at our preschool. We love one another's kids, and we relish in the fact that everything has been the same, year after year.
Tom was talking about how he hates how "official" kindergarten sounds. Say it...KINDERGARTEN...doesn't it just send chills up your spine? Next year our little ones will fly from their cozy nests where they have been for so long together and find new nests, all over, away from all that is familiar. (...momentary pause due to hyperventilating) No longer will I be able to count on this family to watch after my boy when I can not. I will not be able to see the sweet and funny little changes in my friends' children as they grow day to day. They will see each other again, I'm sure, but the safe little cocoon will no longer be.
How does this happen? I just delivered Charlie yesterday. I remember as clear as day. (How could I forget, Tucker just about delivered him!!) He was the little boy we were sure would never be given my family's female-dominated gene pool. He just learned to walk, he just learned to go potty, he was just a baby a second ago. Now, all of a sudden, without my knowledge or permission, someone took my little boy and forced him to grow up, and now they are going to throw him in the bureaucratic world that is kindergarten. NO!!!
....I digress. This cocoon, this family that Charlie has known for so many years is exactly what he needed to be able to take this step. He feels safe and secure enough to be able to step out and test the waters. What he learned at preschool far surpasses the ABCs and 1,2,3s. He gained the sense of self he needs to move on and fly to that next nest. I know the transition would not be as seamless had he not had such a warm and loving environment to pave the way.
Charlie will be fine. Tom's little girl will be fine. All of the little kids they have grown up with will be just fine, too. Of this I am convinced. Now us, the mommies and the daddies, I'm not so sure of.

Jenny-any-Dots Fluffy Gumby Hearn

I grew up with cats. Lots of cats. We always joked that we were the crazy cat family. I always felt a somewhat spiritual connection to them. They always seemed to really know when I needed a friend, and they would always come. After Tuck and I were married, and began spitting the kids out, we adopted two dogs. He grew up with dogs and was convinced they were the superior species and would make better pets for the family. I loved my dogs, but something was missing.
Our first Thanksgiving in Georgia, our dear friends, Jim and Janet came down to celebrate with us. They were leaving Saturday afternoon, but Janet and I still managed to squeeze out of the house in the morning for a little girl time. We were mostly window shopping when we happened upon a sidewalk adoption set up in front of the Petsmart. Being animal lovers, we had no choice but to stop!! I was immediatley drawn to a cage of tiny little gray and white fluff balls. Janet, who has always been the voice of reason in my head, was giving me that, "Don't you even think about it" look. My sanity snapped. I was smitten. I looked up at my friend (who at this point was standing over me rolling her eyes) and told her I was not leaving without one of these kitties. In a moment that I accepted as total approval on her part, (although I"m sure she would disagree) she said, "Get the one with the polka dots. That one's cute."
What comes next is iconic folklore in our family. I walk in the door with my new little baby, (while Janet is mumbling something to the affect of being murdered by my husband) and Tucker asks why Janet got a cat. When he realized the fast one his wife had pulled on him, he was not happy to say the least. By the end of the evening though, Tucker had fallen in love. However, my theory has always been that he bonded with her when he named her Jenny-any-Dots, after the T.S. Elliot poem and CATS song by the same name.
So, thus is the tale of my sweet Jenny. She is still my heart and soul after all these years. I love my children, and I love my husband, by my Jenny...there just is no one in the world who could ever fill her furry, little shoes. She waits for me at the window every afternoon for my car to pull in from work. She meets me at the door. When I'm tired she curls right up to me. She sits on the edge of the tub while I soak. She is always there when I need her. I have even been able to develop a language that she responds to. (now I sound nuts) If I'm lying in bed and she is not there, I will meow a few times and she comes running.
Today at work I was telling a co worker about a design idea I had for my bedroom, based on the color pallette in Jenny's fur. My friend just looked at me like I was crazy. I really think I may be.
I'm just so thankful to have such a sweet and loyal friend in my life.
There is so much to celebrate in the simplest of blessings.

Friends Forever

I have four children. Everyone who knows me, knows I'm that lady with the four kids. When we descend upon a grocery store or a public event, the world seems to know it. That being said, I have 4 of the most well behaved children I know. (and in my line of work I know A LOT of children!!) But still, no matter how good they can be, there is still four of them, and I often get those "haven't you figured out where they come from yet?" comments.
I really enjoy being a mom. It is the best thing I have ever done, although I have had some challenges as of late. Apparently, having 4 kids, fairly spaced out in age, presents unique challenges. For example, the 11 year old is on her cell phone, conducting very important business, while in the background the 1 year old is asking for a clean diaper. Alternate universes. It can be a lot to handle.
So, as I try to do in everything, I look for that proverbial silver lining; the nugget of inspiration and hope to carry me through.
All of us went to a party tonight for one of Patch's little school buddies. It was an outdoor party, and the kids spent 2 hours running around in the Georgia heat, and loving every moment. By the time we packed up to leave, our little Patchy had really begun to melt down from exhaustion. His daddy was holding him and talking so sweetly to him, yet all he would cry out for was "Lou Lou." (his name for his sister, Elizabeth) The 8 year old did what neither Daddy or Mommy was capable of at the time, and calmed him down and comforted him as we got in the car and drove home. Once home, and clean, my daughter and my son, snuggled up and fell asleep. Together. All is right with the world.
So, yes, being the mom of 4 is hairy at times. I get frustrated and overwhelmed and feel under appreciated. But tonight I was reminded what an awesome gift God has given me and my husband and children. We have the gift of each other. My kids will ALWAYS have their siblings. When Tucker and I are old, and go crazy, as is inevitable, I'm beginning to believe, they will have each other to lean on. We have each other to learn from, and to grow from- to play with and to spat with. We enhance each other's lives.
Whether it is just a much needed bedtime snuggle, or a personal crisis, we are friends in the truest form-forever.

Fate vs. Faith

My husband is really fond of saying, "Life can only ever have happened the way it happened."

We got married at 20 and 21 years of age. Young and stupid. We were from different areas, had different interests, and neither of us truly had a clue about what life was about. We became trusted friends, became pregnant and then married. Not exactly the preferable sequence of events, but again, we were really too young to realize how scary a situation we had found ourselves in.
We had our first child, Emily, and neither of us had graduated college. Tucker worked days as a technical writer and nights finishing his triple degrees. Emily and I had fun. As I watched her grow, she forced me to do the same.
Without knowing it, Tucker and I were growing up together; making the same mistakes that all 20 somethings make, but doing it married with a child. It must have been fate. Or was it?
When I became pregnant with our second child, I was given a 50% chance of miscarriage due to complications. I was put on bed rest and lived in fear that I would sneeze and lose my baby. Elizabeth was very sick as an infant and required almost constant holding, but my baby had made it! It must have been fate!
And the years went on. We grew together and grew apart at least a million times. We decided to move to Georgia about 5 years into our marriage for a "change of pace." We handled our move much as we had handled the rest of our lives. With eyes shut, jumping head first! Tucker got a great job, I got settled with the girls, and we began a new chapter. It must have been fate.
Our first son was born in 2004. He was the first child I breastfed any longer than 2 weeks. I spent many hours holding, feeding and gazing down at my newborn son. During our marathon feedings, I could tell he could not see me. Charlie was completely blind. When he was 8 weeks old he was diagnosed with Delayed Visual Maturation, a condition in which the baby's vision did not develop as it was suppose to in utero, but would continue to improve outside the womb. After almost twice monthly trips to the doctor, when he was 6 months old his vision test was normal. It must have been fate.
I have at least a thousand of theses stories. Stories where Tucker and I think about how our lives would be different if...What if he never came to college in North Carolina, What if we hadn't gotten pregnant so young, What if we didn't somehow make our meager earnings work... What if, what if, what if?

Life can ONLY ever happen the way it happened.

It's fate.

Or, is it faith?

Before I was born, God knew I would meet Tucker. He knew we would get pregnant and be married too young. He knew the struggles we would have with each other and the struggles we would have with our children. He knew everything.
This is not to say, it was fate that made these things happen. I made my choices through free will, as everyone does. But there is only one way life can happen, and that is the way that it happens. God has a watchful eye over everything we do, and He makes sure we have the tools to handle the outcomes. No matter what mistakes we make in our lives, we are never left alone to sort them out ourselves.
I have faith that my life is in the hands of God. I have faith that when I completely run things a muck, my Lord will be there to help bail me out as He has done countless times before. I have faith that God holds all of the answers to all of the questions, and all I have to do is seek Him, and I will know the answers, too.
There is no fate. There is only faith. Faith in God to see us through.