Booby Healing Fashion

I have maintained a pretty positive and upbeat attitude about this whole process.  I didn't let it get me down when they told me I inherited an almost 87% risk of breast cancer.  I barely batted an eye when I learned my risk of the usually fatal ovarian cancer is way above that of the general population.  I calmly and with determination scheduled my surgeries to have the potentially offending parts of my anatomy removed.  Like a model patient, I have read and studied all there is to learn and prepared myself for all foreseeable complications.  I am so well versed on the topic of Brca mutations that the General Surgeon very frighteningly told me I appeared to know way more on the topic than he did.  (umm, so you're the guy whose gonna cut off my boobs???)  Truly, I have been uncharacteristically cool as a cucumber.

So isn't it kind of strange that I had a minor freak out in Target this evening?   I had previously mentioned  to Tucker that it was suggested I stock up on over sized button down tops and super stretchy t shirts.  We started in the Men's Department.  I thought I would appreciate the fact that nothing would be fitted there.  Guess what?  Nothing was fitted there, but they all looked like men's clothes! (duh!)  To a woman who is about to have her female reproductive organs and breasts removed, femininity is a must have!  We wandered over to the Women's Department. I found several brightly colored button downs but was more than a little bummed at the idea of me having to shell out  good money for this new summer wardrobe.  Whatever.  I'll be fine...UNTIL...Pajamas!  What the hell!  Pajamas should be among the most benign products on Earth!  Not so, says the woman who soon won't be able to lift her arms!  Right off the bat we spied some button down nightshirts that seemed to be perfect.  However, upon closer inspection they were just a more modern version of your grandmother's mumu. I just couldn't go there; a 36 menopausal, boobless woman does not a mumu wearer make.  All of the beautiful, brightly colored soft pajama sets were for all those fancy ladies who CAN LIFT THEIR ARMS OVER THEIR HEADS!  The indignity!  Sleep time has always been my most favorite time of the day (or night), and here I am in the middle of Target panicking over the fact that I will never sleep again based on the lack of availability of appropriate post mastectomy jammies!!   In the end, I walked away frustrated and scared; leaving Tucker in the Lingerie Department all by his lonesome.  (Where apparently he ran into a woman from church!)  He very lovingly chose 3 very stretchy, very bright tank tops that I can step into if need be.  Crisis averted. (ish)

So the moral of this story is that I won't be naked this summer.  No.  That's not it.  The moral of this story is that this is hard stuff I'm going through, and countless other women go through.  No matter how self-assured we are in our decision, we will have those freak-out moments.  And we will get over them.  We will follow this path until we have eradicated as much of the risk we have inherited as possible.  And we will praise God for the opportunities to freak out at our husbands in Target.  And we will show God our gratitude by mentoring others as we have been mentored by those women who have traveled this road before us.
 And we will do this all in our brightly colored Target button downs.